I am hesitant in posting this post. In fear that those I would rather not be reading this, would read into it wrongly. So I shall state it straight out here, my posts are NOT about romantic relationships; it can never be anyway (for now), im way too self-absorb and self-centred to.

parasocialism.

-----------

I thought I was beginning to know you. I thought as we slowly began to be acquainted, I grew to know you more. And before long, maybe we could be termed as friends? Or at least, fair-weather friends? But today I was reading your posts. Yes, that annoying stalker in me had reared its head once again. I was reading your posts, and I realised, I do not actually know you at all. I might be reading your posts, and I understand and admire the way you think, the way you write, but in the very end, I still do not know you. There seems to be that wall – a sort of column, a barrier – in between. In between you and me, in between you and the world. An air of coldness, and distantness. Reminiscent to that of, maybe sadness? I dont know. But what I am certain is, I do not know you. We are equivalent to that of strangers. Possibly, it might remain that way. And as much as I try, I doubt I will ever truly “know” you. Perhaps it is just affinity that we lack, not the will. Empathy, sure I can mange. but we will probably never become friends. It is just that line we cannot get over. Maybe its me, or it could be you. The complication of status, and titles.

Nonetheless, I hope you are very well, and may everything go your way. I wish you great success in all your endeavours and I’d always support you in any way, within my ability.

Freewill sans fate; nothingness sans nothing.

--------------------------

The talk about affinity. I never could really figure out if I believed the whole concept of affinity. And fate. And destiny. And all its other attachments. What about timely and untimely coincidences? We were just touching on this topic during literature last week. Fate/coincidence vs freewill. I guess many things in life are a collision of both. Like me and you. Our meeting was orchestrated as a result of freewill, my freewill. It was arranged, I went out of my way to. With intentions so simple as that of just telling you how well you did, to congratulate you. And when we met, your reaction changed everything. It was what started this whole act.

Was that fate? Was that coincidence? Or was that freewill on your part? I wish I knew what you were thinking then. Did you expect that to lead to the way we are today? I didn’t expect things to be this way. Well, “this way” being a good thing, in a good way. It was just a smile, a warm hug, a short chat and a sincere message. Contrasting against the complexities of our surroundings and the buzz of the unaware, our meeting was that of detachment from that present moment. I looked into your eyes, and somehow, I liked you. I had chosen you. You were special. But then, I left. And you left.

And that fleeting moment had became the past.

And as we returned to our own lives, the virtual space allowed our paths to intertwine once again. That is fate, I’d deem it. But what followed, I like to choose to view it as the act of freewill. My freewill. I forced it. The possessiveness of my nature forced it. I forced you. But what was peculiar was that, you allowed yourself to be forced. You followed.

(Paragraph deleted)

And of course, following that I just *had* to be at her next spectacle. I actually attended it twice. To relive the moment, maybe. But with complete absurdity on my part, reaped rewards. Upon the second attendance, we met. As per the first, the smile, the warm hug, the short chat, sans the short message – it was déjà vu. Not forgetting, the introduction of mutual comrades. It made things even more interesting. Because now, there is an object for comparison. Comparison of interpersonal closeness, of interpersonal knowledge and knowing. As evident as it can be, I was inferior in that. Well, of course, we only just met briefly a month ago. And this was only our 2nd face-to-face meeting albeit the virtual exchanges.

However, following this meeting, I began to converse with you more online. As I’ve said once and many times before, I just have to say it again – facebook is magic. As much as it annoys how facebook builds up false relationships and perhaps tear down genuine ones, for once im thankful it constructed ours. Or at least, it was instrumental in constructing. The first few attempts were, awkward? Yes, I was unfamiliar with you, I didn’t know you, we were truly acquaintances.

I guess what broke the ice was that crazy conversation about those youtube videos. It makes me laugh just thinking about it. That was the first time I saw the true you, I think. It was a nice conversation. You were reeling from shock. I was worried. Then you went crazy. I was tickled. You laughed. I laughed. And the bond was made. It was nice. We went nuts that night. You were frank. I liked that. I didn’t have much to be frank about. I guess the least I could give you was truthfulness. A sincere genuine interest and attention to listen to your absolutely hilarious rant.

And I attended your next few events. We talked even more. In person, then online. It was always like a follow up. Plus extension. This is in support of my obsessive persona I shall choose to think. Facebook rocks, I must emphasise.

I just deleted this paragraph.

But you are lovely, as always. I guess you made the effort to be nice. And comparatively, to others who were at the event that day, it accentuated the tiny little bit of familiarity and closeness between us. I presume that was the driving force, amongst others, that propelled us forward. Comparison. Its one big thing. It can build all or kill and destroy all. In this scenario, I guess comparisons played to my advantage. It drove us upwards and forwards. So conclusively, its just miraculous how we are what we are today.

I love you very much, platonically very much so, and may we be able to remain in contact for eternity despite the physical distance between us. From our chance meeting, til where we are today, its hard to believe. I hope you are very well, and may everything go your way. I wish you great success in all your endeavours and I’d always support you in any way, within my ability.

I am hesitant in posting this post. In fear that those I would rather not be reading this, would read into it wrongly. So I shall state it straight out here, my posts are NOT about romantic relationships; it can never be anyway (for now), im way too self-absorb and self-centred to.

parasocialism.

-----------

I thought I was beginning to know you. I thought as we slowly began to be acquainted, I grew to know you more. And before long, maybe we could be termed as friends? Or at least, fair-weather friends? But today I was reading your posts. Yes, that annoying stalker in me had reared its head once again. I was reading your posts, and I realised, I do not actually know you at all. I might be reading your posts, and I understand and admire the way you think, the way you write, but in the very end, I still do not know you. There seems to be that wall – a sort of column, a barrier – in between. In between you and me, in between you and the world. An air of coldness, and distantness. Reminiscent to that of, maybe sadness? I dont know. But what I am certain is, I do not know you. We are equivalent to that of strangers. Possibly, it might remain that way. And as much as I try, I doubt I will ever truly “know” you. Perhaps it is just affinity that we lack, not the will. Empathy, sure I can mange. but we will probably never become friends. It is just that line we cannot get over. Maybe its me, or it could be you. The complication of status, and titles.

Nonetheless, I hope you are very well, and may everything go your way. I wish you great success in all your endeavours and I’d always support you in any way, within my ability.

Freewill sans fate; nothingness sans nothing.

--------------------------

The talk about affinity. I never could really figure out if I believed the whole concept of affinity. And fate. And destiny. And all its other attachments. What about timely and untimely coincidences? We were just touching on this topic during literature last week. Fate/coincidence vs freewill. I guess many things in life are a collision of both. Like me and you. Our meeting was orchestrated as a result of freewill, my freewill. It was arranged, I went out of my way to. With intentions so simple as that of just telling you how well you did, to congratulate you. And when we met, your reaction changed everything. It was what started this whole act.

Was that fate? Was that coincidence? Or was that freewill on your part? I wish I knew what you were thinking then. Did you expect that to lead to the way we are today? I didn’t expect things to be this way. Well, “this way” being a good thing, in a good way. It was just a smile, a warm hug, a short chat and a sincere message. Contrasting against the complexities of our surroundings and the buzz of the unaware, our meeting was that of detachment from that present moment. I looked into your eyes, and somehow, I liked you. I had chosen you. You were special. But then, I left. And you left.

And that fleeting moment had became the past.

And as we returned to our own lives, the virtual space allowed our paths to intertwine once again. That is fate, I’d deem it. But what followed, I like to choose to view it as the act of freewill. My freewill. I forced it. The possessiveness of my nature forced it. I forced you. But what was peculiar was that, you allowed yourself to be forced. You followed.

(Paragraph deleted)

And of course, following that I just *had* to be at her next spectacle. I actually attended it twice. To relive the moment, maybe. But with complete absurdity on my part, reaped rewards. Upon the second attendance, we met. As per the first, the smile, the warm hug, the short chat, sans the short message – it was déjà vu. Not forgetting, the introduction of mutual comrades. It made things even more interesting. Because now, there is an object for comparison. Comparison of interpersonal closeness, of interpersonal knowledge and knowing. As evident as it can be, I was inferior in that. Well, of course, we only just met briefly a month ago. And this was only our 2nd face-to-face meeting albeit the virtual exchanges.

However, following this meeting, I began to converse with you more online. As I’ve said once and many times before, I just have to say it again – facebook is magic. As much as it annoys how facebook builds up false relationships and perhaps tear down genuine ones, for once im thankful it constructed ours. Or at least, it was instrumental in constructing. The first few attempts were, awkward? Yes, I was unfamiliar with you, I didn’t know you, we were truly acquaintances.

I guess what broke the ice was that crazy conversation about those youtube videos. It makes me laugh just thinking about it. That was the first time I saw the true you, I think. It was a nice conversation. You were reeling from shock. I was worried. Then you went crazy. I was tickled. You laughed. I laughed. And the bond was made. It was nice. We went nuts that night. You were frank. I liked that. I didn’t have much to be frank about. I guess the least I could give you was truthfulness. A sincere genuine interest and attention to listen to your absolutely hilarious rant.

And I attended your next few events. We talked even more. In person, then online. It was always like a follow up. Plus extension. This is in support of my obsessive persona I shall choose to think. Facebook rocks, I must emphasise.

I just deleted this paragraph.

But you are lovely, as always. I guess you made the effort to be nice. And comparatively, to others who were at the event that day, it accentuated the tiny little bit of familiarity and closeness between us. I presume that was the driving force, amongst others, that propelled us forward. Comparison. Its one big thing. It can build all or kill and destroy all. In this scenario, I guess comparisons played to my advantage. It drove us upwards and forwards. So conclusively, its just miraculous how we are what we are today.

I love you very much, platonically very much so, and may we be able to remain in contact for eternity despite the physical distance between us. From our chance meeting, til where we are today, its hard to believe. I hope you are very well, and may everything go your way. I wish you great success in all your endeavours and I’d always support you in any way, within my ability.