Initially I posted this then took it down. Now I've decided to put it back up online again. Just for keepsake I guess, on this blog. So here, my letter to my dearest senior, you are missed.

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To my dearest senior,
Before I start, THANK YOU SO MUCH for your letter! I have so much to thank you for, but I shall just start by thanking you for your letter. I didn't open the letter on the night you passed it to me, I don't know really know why. Perhaps I was already a bit emotional that night, hence I did not have the courage to open your letter, in fear of an outburst. Not that there was (or could have been) anything bad in the letter, but more of, I couldn't quite bring myself to face the fact that you were leaving so soon. Too soon.

I read the letter on the bus this morning (sunday, 29th May). I know it sounds very silly, but I only manage to bring myself to open it after starring at the utterly hilarious envelop face for minutes. WHEN MATURITY MEETS NONSENSE+CRAZY :) I read the long letter once through. Then I read it again. And again. After about three read-throughs, my head was in a blur already. A deluge of emotions swept over me. At that moment I really did not know what to think. I have to admit, it was really too much to take in that one short moment. I could feel tears choking up at the back of my throat. And I told myself, oh great, terrible idea to choose to read your letter on a public bus!!!! I don't know why I was so emotional, but I was just so overwhelmed then, it is hard to put in words.

I remember when I first saw you in sec 1. You ran into the spice room the sec1s were in, screaming like a mad person to Joey and Niki. Frankly, it was peculiarly amusing – then, i didn't know you were our senior! Following, you started playing a new song you learnt in front of everyone. At that point of time, I thought you were very showy and quite proud, so I told myself to sheer away from you and just mind my own business (HAHAHA). Afterwards you started befriending us, the sec1s. You seemed to click with Kimberly well then, and we didn't really talk, so I decided, really its ok, just stay away. Hence I didn't exactly get to meet you or get to know you in sec 1. Yes, as stupid as it sounds, that is my side of the story.

When Elizabeth left last year, I vaguely remember the day where laoshi called for a reshuffle in the ensemble. My heart sank a little when he told me to move up, and moved you back to 2nd Violin. Next to me, to be my partner! At the point, I was a bit intimidated. I thought, OH NO! WHY DID HE HAVE TO PUT ME WITH THAT GIRL!!?!!??!?! But of course, I listened to him and moved. I remember you were pretty upset about being moved back to this section, and you were mumbling something like "elizabeth... elizabeth..." to yourself. When I sat down, til today, I still distinctively remember you telling me "If you don't want to sit with me, you don't have to", with a scowl. And I told myself, oh crap this time you are really in for it!

As time went by, I got to know you better. I regret not remembering how exactly the ice broke between us, but I most definitely embrace the fact that it did. I truly enjoy the long chats we have during practice – sometimes crazy and nonsensical, sometimes serious and grave, and other times a huge range of stuff in between the two. It was so much fun, we seemed to never ever run out of things to talk about. It always tickles me when laoshi has to remind us time and time again to lower our volume or to keep quiet.

I always enjoyed telling you about different incidents I encountered, the different sights I saw and the different happenings that I experienced. Just because you always had a witty comment to add, or a good word of advice to put forth, or even a retaliation. But no matter what it is, you were always ready to listen and to offer an opinion. I truly appreciate that. Also, building onto the point you brought up in your letter – you are mature for your age too. Maybe that is another reason why I like sharing and discussing things with you. Ever so often are you able to provide me an objective and insightful response I am never able to garner from my other friends, however dear. I mean, being able to trust and tell someone things is one matter, but being able to receive a beneficial and helpful and relevant response is totally another. So I guess from you, I have managed to achieve both, which is lovely.

Also, I have discovered that I tell you a lot of things. I mean, yes, for the matter I do love to talk A LOT, so there isn't anything too surprising about that. But I have told you things that I won't tell other people, even my friends or natalie or ruth. One reason being that, as said above, you are able to respond in a positive manner unlike the rest, but also, because we share a certain bond? Like how you like to say jokingly that we are almost like twins! Yes, exactly that. We seem to be able to relate to each other in a special way. And maybe also because of Elizabeth and "my Elizabeth"! hahahahaha Frankly, I think you are the only person on earth that I told so much of Judee about!!!!!! Thank you so much for listening. I know I can sound way obsessive at times. Oh dear.

And of course there are also the times where we fight. I admit, there are times when I get really frustrated with you. Most of which, I think I am right, and you think you are right. This was especially so during the SYF period, which was a tough time for everyone. I guess this is why you'd see yourself as PAP and me as the opposition. With that said, of course PAP always wins. Majority of the time, I would tell myself, just follow... just follow. Perhaps it is out of respect, or it could also be me accepting the fact that I am, afterall, inferior in terms of skill and experience.

Knowing my personality, I am the kind who loves to be the right one and I like things to go my way. So I feel, in this sense, you have changed me for the better. I have learnt to step back and see the greater picture, before jumping in to claim I am doing things the best way it should be. I would love to leave this out, but the plain truth is, more often than not, I eventually discover that you are the correct one, and I'm wrong. But it is comforting to know that I learn something. Well, I have learnt a lot from you.

And I also feel that it is due to this arguments that we have that has shaped me into a better player. Moreover, I have to say that I am increasingly thankful to laoshi for putting me with you. Being a better player, you have indeed unknowingly "forced" me to work harder and surpass my own standards and expectations. Many a time in attempt to push myself closer to your level, I have had to work doubly hard. This has definitely helped me greatly in terms of honing my musical abilities. More importantly, I am glad how we are always able to bury the hatchet and make up at the end of the day. Possibly it is these conflicts that bonded us and made us even tighter.

If now I am asked to describe you as a person, the words "showy" "proud" "pushy" etc which first ensued my mind when I first met you, would be the last things I would pick. No, they would not even be an option. You are a very bright girl, very smart and very mature. I am sure, and I really do hope, you will do well in life. Moreover, you are also a very understanding person and a great listener as I've mentioned before. Evidently, you are a very jovial spirit, the life of any party – very fun and great company to be with once we know each other. You can be a little obnoxious and childish at time, which is contradictory to what has been said before, but its quite alright. I guess you just show different personalities at different times, to different people.

But at the end of the day, I personally feel you are a fantastic player and a fantastic person. You are definitely the most special person to me in the ensemble. I mean, I do appreciate every single strings member, but it is most definitely not every day I meet someone like you. Words defy me right now, but you are special. And I really appreciate you and all that you have bestowed to me musically, intellectually, academically, emotionally, spiritually and in any of the most humanly ways possible. 

As cliché as it sounds, time flies. The time we spent knowing each other, or getting to know each other, was fleeting but memorable I feel. Two years (and a few months) went by in a blink of an eye. It never occurred to me that it has been so long. Perhaps it is this lack of effort put in to cherish the moment is the thing that is making this farewell pretty difficult for me. But as it has often been said, all good things come to an end. It is time for both of us to start a new chapter in our lives, but for me, I will never forget you and the lovely memories you have left me. It is truly beyond my ability to fully summarise and document all the wonderful times and all the amazing things you have showed and taught me in the time we spent together in this letter, but nonetheless, I dare say I have them documented in my heart.

So as we move on with our lives, as we meet new people, as we each tackle new problems we face, I will keep the memories we have constructed together close to heart – and when I feel down or hit a rough patch, I will revisit this memories and tell myself, there was once we were so happy. And I will remember you, my crazy senior, and I'm sure, I'd smile and that thought will warm my heart.

As much as I hate goodbyes and farewells, what has to be done, has to be done; what has to happen, has to happen. Every show must come to a close, eventually. In our case, the dreaded time has arrived. As the curtains draw to a close, and as the last sentences of our story (and this letter!) is being written, I extend my warmest regards and wishes to you – may you succeed in every aspect of your life and attaining stellar achievements, not just in the O levels but in your career and your future. May you also be blessed with the best of health and luck and earn/have a lot a lot a lot of money $$$$$, enough to be happy. Lastly, may you enjoy to greatest happiness and bliss in life!

Once again, thank you for everything. You mean so much to me, I (will) miss you very dearly. Take care, and all the best! I hope we will keep in contact.

Warmest regards, love,
VANESSA KOH

Initially I posted this then took it down. Now I've decided to put it back up online again. Just for keepsake I guess, on this blog. So here, my letter to my dearest senior, you are missed.

---------------------

To my dearest senior,
Before I start, THANK YOU SO MUCH for your letter! I have so much to thank you for, but I shall just start by thanking you for your letter. I didn't open the letter on the night you passed it to me, I don't know really know why. Perhaps I was already a bit emotional that night, hence I did not have the courage to open your letter, in fear of an outburst. Not that there was (or could have been) anything bad in the letter, but more of, I couldn't quite bring myself to face the fact that you were leaving so soon. Too soon.

I read the letter on the bus this morning (sunday, 29th May). I know it sounds very silly, but I only manage to bring myself to open it after starring at the utterly hilarious envelop face for minutes. WHEN MATURITY MEETS NONSENSE+CRAZY :) I read the long letter once through. Then I read it again. And again. After about three read-throughs, my head was in a blur already. A deluge of emotions swept over me. At that moment I really did not know what to think. I have to admit, it was really too much to take in that one short moment. I could feel tears choking up at the back of my throat. And I told myself, oh great, terrible idea to choose to read your letter on a public bus!!!! I don't know why I was so emotional, but I was just so overwhelmed then, it is hard to put in words.

I remember when I first saw you in sec 1. You ran into the spice room the sec1s were in, screaming like a mad person to Joey and Niki. Frankly, it was peculiarly amusing – then, i didn't know you were our senior! Following, you started playing a new song you learnt in front of everyone. At that point of time, I thought you were very showy and quite proud, so I told myself to sheer away from you and just mind my own business (HAHAHA). Afterwards you started befriending us, the sec1s. You seemed to click with Kimberly well then, and we didn't really talk, so I decided, really its ok, just stay away. Hence I didn't exactly get to meet you or get to know you in sec 1. Yes, as stupid as it sounds, that is my side of the story.

When Elizabeth left last year, I vaguely remember the day where laoshi called for a reshuffle in the ensemble. My heart sank a little when he told me to move up, and moved you back to 2nd Violin. Next to me, to be my partner! At the point, I was a bit intimidated. I thought, OH NO! WHY DID HE HAVE TO PUT ME WITH THAT GIRL!!?!!??!?! But of course, I listened to him and moved. I remember you were pretty upset about being moved back to this section, and you were mumbling something like "elizabeth... elizabeth..." to yourself. When I sat down, til today, I still distinctively remember you telling me "If you don't want to sit with me, you don't have to", with a scowl. And I told myself, oh crap this time you are really in for it!

As time went by, I got to know you better. I regret not remembering how exactly the ice broke between us, but I most definitely embrace the fact that it did. I truly enjoy the long chats we have during practice – sometimes crazy and nonsensical, sometimes serious and grave, and other times a huge range of stuff in between the two. It was so much fun, we seemed to never ever run out of things to talk about. It always tickles me when laoshi has to remind us time and time again to lower our volume or to keep quiet.

I always enjoyed telling you about different incidents I encountered, the different sights I saw and the different happenings that I experienced. Just because you always had a witty comment to add, or a good word of advice to put forth, or even a retaliation. But no matter what it is, you were always ready to listen and to offer an opinion. I truly appreciate that. Also, building onto the point you brought up in your letter – you are mature for your age too. Maybe that is another reason why I like sharing and discussing things with you. Ever so often are you able to provide me an objective and insightful response I am never able to garner from my other friends, however dear. I mean, being able to trust and tell someone things is one matter, but being able to receive a beneficial and helpful and relevant response is totally another. So I guess from you, I have managed to achieve both, which is lovely.

Also, I have discovered that I tell you a lot of things. I mean, yes, for the matter I do love to talk A LOT, so there isn't anything too surprising about that. But I have told you things that I won't tell other people, even my friends or natalie or ruth. One reason being that, as said above, you are able to respond in a positive manner unlike the rest, but also, because we share a certain bond? Like how you like to say jokingly that we are almost like twins! Yes, exactly that. We seem to be able to relate to each other in a special way. And maybe also because of Elizabeth and "my Elizabeth"! hahahahaha Frankly, I think you are the only person on earth that I told so much of Judee about!!!!!! Thank you so much for listening. I know I can sound way obsessive at times. Oh dear.

And of course there are also the times where we fight. I admit, there are times when I get really frustrated with you. Most of which, I think I am right, and you think you are right. This was especially so during the SYF period, which was a tough time for everyone. I guess this is why you'd see yourself as PAP and me as the opposition. With that said, of course PAP always wins. Majority of the time, I would tell myself, just follow... just follow. Perhaps it is out of respect, or it could also be me accepting the fact that I am, afterall, inferior in terms of skill and experience.

Knowing my personality, I am the kind who loves to be the right one and I like things to go my way. So I feel, in this sense, you have changed me for the better. I have learnt to step back and see the greater picture, before jumping in to claim I am doing things the best way it should be. I would love to leave this out, but the plain truth is, more often than not, I eventually discover that you are the correct one, and I'm wrong. But it is comforting to know that I learn something. Well, I have learnt a lot from you.

And I also feel that it is due to this arguments that we have that has shaped me into a better player. Moreover, I have to say that I am increasingly thankful to laoshi for putting me with you. Being a better player, you have indeed unknowingly "forced" me to work harder and surpass my own standards and expectations. Many a time in attempt to push myself closer to your level, I have had to work doubly hard. This has definitely helped me greatly in terms of honing my musical abilities. More importantly, I am glad how we are always able to bury the hatchet and make up at the end of the day. Possibly it is these conflicts that bonded us and made us even tighter.

If now I am asked to describe you as a person, the words "showy" "proud" "pushy" etc which first ensued my mind when I first met you, would be the last things I would pick. No, they would not even be an option. You are a very bright girl, very smart and very mature. I am sure, and I really do hope, you will do well in life. Moreover, you are also a very understanding person and a great listener as I've mentioned before. Evidently, you are a very jovial spirit, the life of any party – very fun and great company to be with once we know each other. You can be a little obnoxious and childish at time, which is contradictory to what has been said before, but its quite alright. I guess you just show different personalities at different times, to different people.

But at the end of the day, I personally feel you are a fantastic player and a fantastic person. You are definitely the most special person to me in the ensemble. I mean, I do appreciate every single strings member, but it is most definitely not every day I meet someone like you. Words defy me right now, but you are special. And I really appreciate you and all that you have bestowed to me musically, intellectually, academically, emotionally, spiritually and in any of the most humanly ways possible. 

As cliché as it sounds, time flies. The time we spent knowing each other, or getting to know each other, was fleeting but memorable I feel. Two years (and a few months) went by in a blink of an eye. It never occurred to me that it has been so long. Perhaps it is this lack of effort put in to cherish the moment is the thing that is making this farewell pretty difficult for me. But as it has often been said, all good things come to an end. It is time for both of us to start a new chapter in our lives, but for me, I will never forget you and the lovely memories you have left me. It is truly beyond my ability to fully summarise and document all the wonderful times and all the amazing things you have showed and taught me in the time we spent together in this letter, but nonetheless, I dare say I have them documented in my heart.

So as we move on with our lives, as we meet new people, as we each tackle new problems we face, I will keep the memories we have constructed together close to heart – and when I feel down or hit a rough patch, I will revisit this memories and tell myself, there was once we were so happy. And I will remember you, my crazy senior, and I'm sure, I'd smile and that thought will warm my heart.

As much as I hate goodbyes and farewells, what has to be done, has to be done; what has to happen, has to happen. Every show must come to a close, eventually. In our case, the dreaded time has arrived. As the curtains draw to a close, and as the last sentences of our story (and this letter!) is being written, I extend my warmest regards and wishes to you – may you succeed in every aspect of your life and attaining stellar achievements, not just in the O levels but in your career and your future. May you also be blessed with the best of health and luck and earn/have a lot a lot a lot of money $$$$$, enough to be happy. Lastly, may you enjoy to greatest happiness and bliss in life!

Once again, thank you for everything. You mean so much to me, I (will) miss you very dearly. Take care, and all the best! I hope we will keep in contact.

Warmest regards, love,
VANESSA KOH