A post I wrote last night. Or this morning, for the matter. I've been using the Evernote app to do my writing recently, and I haven't figured out a way to post it directly here since it is not a proper blogging app. Oh well.

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I do not know how to begin. It is 2:14AM right now, I ought to be asleep. But my brain does not seem to want to rest. I am compelled to write something. I love to write. Queer, isn't it? I love writing. It is just that I am way too lazy to translate it into proper action most of the time.

I should not digress.

In you, I see myself.

Is that a good thing? I do not know. I would probably never know. But it appears to be a good thing I guess? I mean, it is about time someone or something shed some light on this issue at hand. For me to see. To understand.

So many a time in life, we look at others but we fail to look at ourselves. I won't forthrightly claim that I am the most self-reflective person there is around. I am not. But no doubt I do enjoy indulging in self-reflection time and again. Yes, just once in a while. I do see it as a form of indulgent; not a chore, definitely.  Seriously, self-reflection is probably the only excuse to be wholly self-absorbed; to be able to scrutinize at ones own actions and thoughts; to rave about the positive and preferably account for the negative ones as well. And for once, instead of being termed as egoist, or just down right weirdly obsessive, it is seen as something good, something good to engage in for personal mastery. That is probably why I enjoy self-reflecting. And of course, I feel it makes me a slightly better person. Which is comforting.

Ok I digressed. Fuck. (In other news, I should swear less!)

In you, I see myself.

I honestly do. As I said earlier, many a time in life, we look at others but fail to take a good look at ourselves. Surprisingly, for once, I see myself in someone else. And I see it very clearly, very well. I do not know if it is a good thing. But it is all very odd. I am unable to properly reason it out to myself. It seems, I am seeing a direct and uncannily similar image of myself and my actions in you.

All the while I have been the giving party. However, all of a sudden, I am thrown to the position of being the opposite. Yes, the tables have turned indeed. You see, it is very odd. Everything. Very queer. It defies reason and theory. How elusive. And what makes it a hell lot stranger is that, in the present moment, I am simultaneously caught in both spots! It is all very strange. It's as though I am playing god; not in terms of decision making (I wish!), but it is like I am viewing every thing from a detached perspective, something like a "birds eye view".

------------------------

On a separate note. I have always been a very obsessive person. It is very weird – I know, I honestly do. But, its just like this. I admire a lot. I emulate a lot. I adopt a lot. I revere a lot. As a result, it makes me a rather devoted and loyal person I feel, but it also causes me to get increasingly jealous over the tiniest of things! Of course things that actually MATTER to me, things that I really really love. Very disturbing. I guess the whole act of me being greatly obsessed with something (anything!) is already very disturbing. Yes, I invite you to watch me fawn over things, anything, you'd die. (hahahahaha) Of laughter maybe. Or you might just be so freaked out you'd pass out anyway. To make things worst, I know that when I craze over something, I would constantly wax lyrical about it – NON STOP. Not very good. But that's just the way I am!

Oh oh I also have the tendency to love the crow on the house of my lover... Get it get it? 爱屋及乌, one of the rare times that I know a chinese phrase but yet can't quite put it in proper english! But I do that all the time; the thing about loving the crow I mean. Perhaps it is part and parcel of the absurd emulating and adopting.

-------------------

Perhaps the main reason I do not want to achieve closure is, so I can continue discovering the answers I may not ever be able to obtain any where else.

Self-reflection.
Self-restraint.
Self-improvement.
Self-mastery.

2:40AM. Closure. End.

A post I wrote last night. Or this morning, for the matter. I've been using the Evernote app to do my writing recently, and I haven't figured out a way to post it directly here since it is not a proper blogging app. Oh well.

-----------------------------------------

I do not know how to begin. It is 2:14AM right now, I ought to be asleep. But my brain does not seem to want to rest. I am compelled to write something. I love to write. Queer, isn't it? I love writing. It is just that I am way too lazy to translate it into proper action most of the time.

I should not digress.

In you, I see myself.

Is that a good thing? I do not know. I would probably never know. But it appears to be a good thing I guess? I mean, it is about time someone or something shed some light on this issue at hand. For me to see. To understand.

So many a time in life, we look at others but we fail to look at ourselves. I won't forthrightly claim that I am the most self-reflective person there is around. I am not. But no doubt I do enjoy indulging in self-reflection time and again. Yes, just once in a while. I do see it as a form of indulgent; not a chore, definitely.  Seriously, self-reflection is probably the only excuse to be wholly self-absorbed; to be able to scrutinize at ones own actions and thoughts; to rave about the positive and preferably account for the negative ones as well. And for once, instead of being termed as egoist, or just down right weirdly obsessive, it is seen as something good, something good to engage in for personal mastery. That is probably why I enjoy self-reflecting. And of course, I feel it makes me a slightly better person. Which is comforting.

Ok I digressed. Fuck. (In other news, I should swear less!)

In you, I see myself.

I honestly do. As I said earlier, many a time in life, we look at others but fail to take a good look at ourselves. Surprisingly, for once, I see myself in someone else. And I see it very clearly, very well. I do not know if it is a good thing. But it is all very odd. I am unable to properly reason it out to myself. It seems, I am seeing a direct and uncannily similar image of myself and my actions in you.

All the while I have been the giving party. However, all of a sudden, I am thrown to the position of being the opposite. Yes, the tables have turned indeed. You see, it is very odd. Everything. Very queer. It defies reason and theory. How elusive. And what makes it a hell lot stranger is that, in the present moment, I am simultaneously caught in both spots! It is all very strange. It's as though I am playing god; not in terms of decision making (I wish!), but it is like I am viewing every thing from a detached perspective, something like a "birds eye view".

------------------------

On a separate note. I have always been a very obsessive person. It is very weird – I know, I honestly do. But, its just like this. I admire a lot. I emulate a lot. I adopt a lot. I revere a lot. As a result, it makes me a rather devoted and loyal person I feel, but it also causes me to get increasingly jealous over the tiniest of things! Of course things that actually MATTER to me, things that I really really love. Very disturbing. I guess the whole act of me being greatly obsessed with something (anything!) is already very disturbing. Yes, I invite you to watch me fawn over things, anything, you'd die. (hahahahaha) Of laughter maybe. Or you might just be so freaked out you'd pass out anyway. To make things worst, I know that when I craze over something, I would constantly wax lyrical about it – NON STOP. Not very good. But that's just the way I am!

Oh oh I also have the tendency to love the crow on the house of my lover... Get it get it? 爱屋及乌, one of the rare times that I know a chinese phrase but yet can't quite put it in proper english! But I do that all the time; the thing about loving the crow I mean. Perhaps it is part and parcel of the absurd emulating and adopting.

-------------------

Perhaps the main reason I do not want to achieve closure is, so I can continue discovering the answers I may not ever be able to obtain any where else.

Self-reflection.
Self-restraint.
Self-improvement.
Self-mastery.

2:40AM. Closure. End.