Spiritually impoverished. I am quite wasted really. This sounds vaguely familiar, have I said this before? Recently? Perhaps. But I am. Academia is the bane of my life. I cannot begin to reiterate how true this is. It is.

I am not doing well. I know, but what can I do to improve this situation? I know I am not working hard enough, I am more than this. I know I can do it; it is just that, where am I to go to find the will power to? I know I am to seek for it from within, but I cannot seem to get it. What is the use of the aimless search, as I plunder blindly for, for what I do not even know. I want to do well, I know I want it. But how? I cannot bring myself to. I am weak. No motivation, no strength.

I do not know where I want to end up in life. Someone once told me, when I asked, that all she wanted at the very end, is to be happy. I have no idea what makes me happy. I honestly do not know. There is that question mark at the end of every statement. There is never a statement, always a question. Every thing is a question. An endless slur of questions, a whole whirl of queries. Unanswered questions, unacknowledged queries. I am very confused, and as much as I prefer not to, tired.

I rarely get tired. I mean there is always that once in a while, where you shake your head, heave a sigh, furrow your brow... with that great urge, an urge so humungous... to throw your cares in the air, to throw in the towel. That urge, ever so great, ever so strong. And you can practically feel it gnawing at your interiors like an incessant creature, this Leviathan monstrosity. It screams at you, give up, give in, you're through, you're done. Then here comes that defying moment when you stand up and you fight. You shout, NO! I won't give up, I won't give in. I want to do this and I know it well. That passion to preserve, that passion to fight, that passion to live.

I never want to lose that passion to live. That power. It belongs to me. It belongs to each and every one out there. But how many actually do embrace it? I can frankly say, I do not fully... maybe not yet. Sometimes I wonder if I have ever actually started to live yet. When will my life begin. Perhaps when this pathetic flame, quivering in the wind, has finally burned out, will a new fire then ignite, burning with greater passion and might than it did... than it ever will...

And only then, will it sustain and bring light to your life. I want to live. But is it now? It's now or never, I ain't gonna live forever, I just wanna live before I die.

--------------

Too many tests. Too little time.
Too many assignments. Too little will.
Too much stress. Too little strength.

Spiritually impoverished. I am quite wasted really. This sounds vaguely familiar, have I said this before? Recently? Perhaps. But I am. Academia is the bane of my life. I cannot begin to reiterate how true this is. It is.

I am not doing well. I know, but what can I do to improve this situation? I know I am not working hard enough, I am more than this. I know I can do it; it is just that, where am I to go to find the will power to? I know I am to seek for it from within, but I cannot seem to get it. What is the use of the aimless search, as I plunder blindly for, for what I do not even know. I want to do well, I know I want it. But how? I cannot bring myself to. I am weak. No motivation, no strength.

I do not know where I want to end up in life. Someone once told me, when I asked, that all she wanted at the very end, is to be happy. I have no idea what makes me happy. I honestly do not know. There is that question mark at the end of every statement. There is never a statement, always a question. Every thing is a question. An endless slur of questions, a whole whirl of queries. Unanswered questions, unacknowledged queries. I am very confused, and as much as I prefer not to, tired.

I rarely get tired. I mean there is always that once in a while, where you shake your head, heave a sigh, furrow your brow... with that great urge, an urge so humungous... to throw your cares in the air, to throw in the towel. That urge, ever so great, ever so strong. And you can practically feel it gnawing at your interiors like an incessant creature, this Leviathan monstrosity. It screams at you, give up, give in, you're through, you're done. Then here comes that defying moment when you stand up and you fight. You shout, NO! I won't give up, I won't give in. I want to do this and I know it well. That passion to preserve, that passion to fight, that passion to live.

I never want to lose that passion to live. That power. It belongs to me. It belongs to each and every one out there. But how many actually do embrace it? I can frankly say, I do not fully... maybe not yet. Sometimes I wonder if I have ever actually started to live yet. When will my life begin. Perhaps when this pathetic flame, quivering in the wind, has finally burned out, will a new fire then ignite, burning with greater passion and might than it did... than it ever will...

And only then, will it sustain and bring light to your life. I want to live. But is it now? It's now or never, I ain't gonna live forever, I just wanna live before I die.

--------------

Too many tests. Too little time.
Too many assignments. Too little will.
Too much stress. Too little strength.