I'm through with accepting limits, 'cause someone says they're so.

When I was younger, I used to genuinely believe everyone was destined for greatness. Everyone including myself. As the years tripped by over rocks and gravel, obstacles and vicissitudes gnawed on me and I lost faith in success, in achieving success. Failure triumphed and the humongous urge to relinquish threatened to prevail. Failure after failure after failure. I had forgotten the essence of success; the sweet, succulent taste of success. Of winning and being the best. I no longer knew how to succeed, much less how to be the ultimate best. Even more so, have I forgotten my personal best and my ability to soar.

Some things I cannot change, but til I try I'll never know.

Regret has never been an emotion foreign to me. There are many things I feel remorseful towards, that I feel remorseful over. There are numerous occasions I wish I could rewrite and heaps of bygones I wish I could alter. But as it has always been repeated, what has past has passed. Just like how I should have worked harder at the start of the year, how I should have been nicer to many people, how I should have had more foresight. Perhaps it is truly a virtue to be able to live in the moment, or to harbour great foresight. Constantly looking over your shoulder and fretting over the vestiges of the past is not going to get anyone anywhere. What more, there will always be too many "should haves" and too many "what ifs".

Too long I've been afraid of, losing love I guess I've lost.

As a young girl growing up, I used to love attention as much as I loved to win. Basking under the approving gaze of everyone allowed me a sense of pride and accomplishment. It made me feel appreciated and it made me feel like I actually mattered. It motivated me to strive high and propelled me to success. I was a winner, a winner who was soon forgotten. I tell myself, applause fades, trophies gather dust and winners are soon forgotten. For so long I have indoctrinated myself to believe so. No, it is not the case, it is denial I have been living in. I was never a winner who was forgotten, but a player who lost. I gave up the game, in fear I backed out. 

I enjoyed having many people around me. Sashay around with a trusty entourage in tow and hanging around with a bunch to chatter inanely with was a thrill. It was the days of the more the merrier. Gradually with time, maturity swept away the inclination for the abundance of broad friendships. The notion of acceptance slowly faded into insignificance. Instead, I begun to embrace the betterment of independence and individuality. Afterall, succumbing to status quo or social expectations has always been way too bothersome.

Well, if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost.

Someone once told me: 'Be alone, be by yourself. Do what you can and do what you will. On your own you will survive and you will thrive.' So I tell myself that all the time, like a twisted mantra. Why depend on someone else when I can be on my own? Of course I understand the terms of social interdependence and the importance and convenience of an intermingling community, but sometimes the thought of riding solo seems to appeal more outstandingly to me. And just a thought, it is conclusively much easier and much less risky to love oneself than another, isn't it?

I'm through with accepting limits, 'cause someone says they're so.

When I was younger, I used to genuinely believe everyone was destined for greatness. Everyone including myself. As the years tripped by over rocks and gravel, obstacles and vicissitudes gnawed on me and I lost faith in success, in achieving success. Failure triumphed and the humongous urge to relinquish threatened to prevail. Failure after failure after failure. I had forgotten the essence of success; the sweet, succulent taste of success. Of winning and being the best. I no longer knew how to succeed, much less how to be the ultimate best. Even more so, have I forgotten my personal best and my ability to soar.

Some things I cannot change, but til I try I'll never know.

Regret has never been an emotion foreign to me. There are many things I feel remorseful towards, that I feel remorseful over. There are numerous occasions I wish I could rewrite and heaps of bygones I wish I could alter. But as it has always been repeated, what has past has passed. Just like how I should have worked harder at the start of the year, how I should have been nicer to many people, how I should have had more foresight. Perhaps it is truly a virtue to be able to live in the moment, or to harbour great foresight. Constantly looking over your shoulder and fretting over the vestiges of the past is not going to get anyone anywhere. What more, there will always be too many "should haves" and too many "what ifs".

Too long I've been afraid of, losing love I guess I've lost.

As a young girl growing up, I used to love attention as much as I loved to win. Basking under the approving gaze of everyone allowed me a sense of pride and accomplishment. It made me feel appreciated and it made me feel like I actually mattered. It motivated me to strive high and propelled me to success. I was a winner, a winner who was soon forgotten. I tell myself, applause fades, trophies gather dust and winners are soon forgotten. For so long I have indoctrinated myself to believe so. No, it is not the case, it is denial I have been living in. I was never a winner who was forgotten, but a player who lost. I gave up the game, in fear I backed out. 

I enjoyed having many people around me. Sashay around with a trusty entourage in tow and hanging around with a bunch to chatter inanely with was a thrill. It was the days of the more the merrier. Gradually with time, maturity swept away the inclination for the abundance of broad friendships. The notion of acceptance slowly faded into insignificance. Instead, I begun to embrace the betterment of independence and individuality. Afterall, succumbing to status quo or social expectations has always been way too bothersome.

Well, if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost.

Someone once told me: 'Be alone, be by yourself. Do what you can and do what you will. On your own you will survive and you will thrive.' So I tell myself that all the time, like a twisted mantra. Why depend on someone else when I can be on my own? Of course I understand the terms of social interdependence and the importance and convenience of an intermingling community, but sometimes the thought of riding solo seems to appeal more outstandingly to me. And just a thought, it is conclusively much easier and much less risky to love oneself than another, isn't it?