Something has changed within me, something is not the same.

In the midst of the fast-paced operation and movement of every passing day, somewhere in the whole whirl-wind of events, something happened. In fact, many things occur, many of which have elicited change inside of me. I trust people evolve every day. I believe people are inconsistent, and that the smallest of matters can bring about grave adjustment to a person. With regards to myself, over the past few months, many things have indeed occurred, shaping and reforming me again and again. I have attempted to search within myself in a bid to discover what these things are. It repeatedly bugs me how futile my efforts have been, trying but to no avail. But undeniably transformation has ensued and is underway. Metamorphosis.

I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game.

For as long as I can discern, I have been thoroughly encased in the web of unfamiliarity. In a paradigm. In a dimension. Whose grounds that have been so well-trodden, by countless other individuals; but somehow, they never seemed like home-grounds to me, even though I have been aimlessly traversing them for almost fifteen years. Perhaps a decade and a half is not as long as it feels at all. Perhaps no amount of time will ever allow me to adapt to these grounds. But this is life, is it not? And who can escape life? I have always wondered time and time again about the nuances of life and the innumerable paths if offers. More so, trying to identify which path I am decreed to take. At least for now I am certain of the direction I am to head in, in fact it is very clear. But what proceeds after is wholly irresolute. Regardless so, I am perfectly aware that whatever it is, I have to keep moving. Only now, I will be the one in charge of my own life.

Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep.

I may not be able to determine the future, but I have the power to determine how I create it. I feel as though I have been awaken, struck by an epiphany. In my mind's eye, I vaguely see what I want, where I want to be. Though I might have dreams and wishes and aspirations, the passion in my soul is often suppressed by the practicality of my nature. There are so many unreachable things I desire, but I know what is required of me and what I ought to have and ought to do. It is not a bad thing I guess, to be able to differentiate "I wish" from "I must", and "I could" from "I should". Now, I understand. And there is no allowance for doubt.

It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes...

Now, I understand. I understand the way the lines of fantasy and reality intertwine. And somehow, I am now empowered with the strength to conquer. What will I conquer? What do I want to conquer? There are so many things I want to conquer, and yet I have never done majority. But now, I want to do it. I can feel it in me, the hankering to achieve. This is no time to falter, or to crumble under the preponderance of doubt over will. I can feel the inception of a whole new journey within me; the rudimentary knowledge of this entirely new game slowly settles in me. And I am ready to play.

And leap.  

I am ready to win. I am stronger than ever. This is not the end, but the mere beginning. All my life I have been awaiting the occurrence of something, anything. But now, I finally see it – nothing will ever happen as a result of this waiting; it is up to me to make something work. If it can be anytime, it is now. If it is anyone, it will be me.

Something has changed within me, something is not the same.

In the midst of the fast-paced operation and movement of every passing day, somewhere in the whole whirl-wind of events, something happened. In fact, many things occur, many of which have elicited change inside of me. I trust people evolve every day. I believe people are inconsistent, and that the smallest of matters can bring about grave adjustment to a person. With regards to myself, over the past few months, many things have indeed occurred, shaping and reforming me again and again. I have attempted to search within myself in a bid to discover what these things are. It repeatedly bugs me how futile my efforts have been, trying but to no avail. But undeniably transformation has ensued and is underway. Metamorphosis.

I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game.

For as long as I can discern, I have been thoroughly encased in the web of unfamiliarity. In a paradigm. In a dimension. Whose grounds that have been so well-trodden, by countless other individuals; but somehow, they never seemed like home-grounds to me, even though I have been aimlessly traversing them for almost fifteen years. Perhaps a decade and a half is not as long as it feels at all. Perhaps no amount of time will ever allow me to adapt to these grounds. But this is life, is it not? And who can escape life? I have always wondered time and time again about the nuances of life and the innumerable paths if offers. More so, trying to identify which path I am decreed to take. At least for now I am certain of the direction I am to head in, in fact it is very clear. But what proceeds after is wholly irresolute. Regardless so, I am perfectly aware that whatever it is, I have to keep moving. Only now, I will be the one in charge of my own life.

Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep.

I may not be able to determine the future, but I have the power to determine how I create it. I feel as though I have been awaken, struck by an epiphany. In my mind's eye, I vaguely see what I want, where I want to be. Though I might have dreams and wishes and aspirations, the passion in my soul is often suppressed by the practicality of my nature. There are so many unreachable things I desire, but I know what is required of me and what I ought to have and ought to do. It is not a bad thing I guess, to be able to differentiate "I wish" from "I must", and "I could" from "I should". Now, I understand. And there is no allowance for doubt.

It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes...

Now, I understand. I understand the way the lines of fantasy and reality intertwine. And somehow, I am now empowered with the strength to conquer. What will I conquer? What do I want to conquer? There are so many things I want to conquer, and yet I have never done majority. But now, I want to do it. I can feel it in me, the hankering to achieve. This is no time to falter, or to crumble under the preponderance of doubt over will. I can feel the inception of a whole new journey within me; the rudimentary knowledge of this entirely new game slowly settles in me. And I am ready to play.

And leap.  

I am ready to win. I am stronger than ever. This is not the end, but the mere beginning. All my life I have been awaiting the occurrence of something, anything. But now, I finally see it – nothing will ever happen as a result of this waiting; it is up to me to make something work. If it can be anytime, it is now. If it is anyone, it will be me.