I have put off writing about FPS for quite a while; the actual fact is, its only been a week since this whole saga concluded! It feels almost entirely like a mere fragment of my memory already. Even so, I really wanted to write about this experience, just to encapsulate this whole journey here. This is truly one of those keep-it-in-a-glass-bottle memories, the kind that has the ability to brighten no matter how dull a day and to lighten no matter how dampen a spirit.

Looking back, it is entirely mind-blowing how everything happened – serendipity indeed I say! For starters, the initial act of even joining FPS had never occurred to me through my whole lower sec life. I distinctively remember hearing presentations about this project (it is listed under SPECIAL PROJs!!!!) on project work days and on other occasions as well, and more distinctively do I remember telling myself, ah why even listen? there is no way I will ever apply for this project seriously!.... And who would have thought.

I recall being scouted by Mrs Fern through facebook to join her 'writing troop' at the start of the year. It seemed like a very out-of-the-blue thing, because A, then I did not think Mrs Fern actually knew who I was all this while, and B, I was living with the impression that I was being mistaken by another namesake. So of course her 'offer' greatly caught me by surprise!

At that point, I was really hesitant in taking up her 'offer' of joining FPS, a project that elite writers like kit lea and sherlyn and clarisa helmed. It sounds silly but really, I was so intimidated! Having known the prestige of this programme and the reputation and high regard of FPS writers, it too a lot of coaxing for me to muster enough courage to take this dive. I have always been a little unsure and doubtful of my own writing ability; I mean, it is hard to judge how 'good' one's writing is, the rubrics just is not too clear or definite. I can very well go along thinking I am a fantastic writer when by actual fact my works could really be trash. Hence, my apprehension! Yes, I was so worried, and almost afraid to commit to FPS, primarily because of the fear that I would fail to deliver or produce good pieces of work which lives up to expectations.

Additionally, I remember Ruth telling me the need to get a letter of recommendation before entering FPS and the complicated procedures! Boy was I really really worried! I worry too much, too much for my own good. But I honestly did not know what to expect. When I finally came to terms with myself that, hey I have nothing to lose!, I decided to face Mrs Fern. I recall expressing my interest (and worries!) to her regarding FPS, and even asking her: "errr do I need a letter of recommendation? Because I don't think anyone is going to 'recommend' me!" And I clearly remember her response was something along the lines of, "if the president invites you, why still go through all the procedures... red tape and all?" That was such a typical response on mrs fern's part! So just like that, I was initiated into the realm of F.... P.... S...!!!!

Weeks that followed comprised of drifts between aimless slacking, and slews of complains and nerve-wrecking moans over deadlines. You see, this project worked as such, I had periods after periods of free slots during project work lessons, where by I was granted ample time to slack and do as I please. However, I had to complete essays in my own time at home or wherever. The latter was what invited all the moping and groaning and bemoaning and self-pitying. It is evident that I am a lazy bum eh? Well, YES! As such, work just equated gloom.

Following which, I proceeded on to a phase where I just slacked off entirely. I skipped the Science Chronicles essay and did absolutely no work. I did not even ponder over the FPS questions, and as a result, did not attempt to hash ideas and plots. It was only until after the June holidays whereby mrs fern sent out an email as a reminder for us to submit our final FPS essays in August that I started to panic! I guess I kind of deserved it. I was entitled to more than half a year to do it, but I chose to waste the vast amount of time provided and was reduced to having to rush it out at the eleventh hour. Ok, not exactly THAT last minute... I had about 3 weeks!

Three weeks. To come up with a kick-ass plot and to write it out in full. And as foreseeable, I procrastinated and procrastinated and procrastinated! I wanted to shoot myself in my head, it was terrible. I pushed it so much I left it off until the last few days to fully craft my plot and a teeeny bit of time to illustrate it with words. Additionally, I moaned a lot. To anyone and everyone around me. I was totally shooting myself in my feet. I am quite amaze I actually had a product to hand in eventually!

When submission time arrived, I felt almost embarrass to send my essay to mrs fern for evaluation prior the final submission to RGS (FPSP SG HQ). I had read kit lea's and clarisa's winning essays from last year and they were of amazingly high standards. I was very afraid mrs fern would be utterly disappointed with my work. But as always, I never heard back from her after sending my essay through. Wait, I did hear from her, but it was only about signing authentication forms and summary sheets. After which, I never heard back from anyone.

Then all of a sudden, one fine day, in the wee hours of the morning, I was checking my email and RESULTS OF FPS 2011 screamed at me. But I had no expectations at that point, I almost disregarded the email entirely. Nevertheless I still opened it and SURPRISE SURPRISE, my name was on the finals list! I gasped. I was thoroughly dumbfounded. Flummoxed. Stupefied. It was a miracle!

In the midst of all that astonishment, I was also equally confused. I barely understood the instructions they gave and as stupid as it sounds, I did not know if I had actually won the whole Scenario Writing competition already or if I had merely just qualified for the next stage. All this was later straightened out for me by Kit Lea, who was a great help! (I won 3rd!)

So, blur as ever, I went for the On-Site Finals. It was over as quickly as it arrived. I tried to write as well as I could, but got a bit distracted halfway because I became lethargic and very reluctant to continue. I did anyway, I did not have a choice!

Ok, FAST FORWARD FAST FORWARD to results day, prize presentation for FPS scenario writing.

It felt like eternity waiting for them to announce the results for FPS On-Site Scenario Writing. They started out with the Best Writer award.

"The winner for FPS On-Site Scenario Writing, Best Writer award goes to......."

Everyone holds their breath in anticipation.

"M thirty...... one!"

OH MY GOD. That is me!

"Singapore Chinese Girls' School...."

OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. That is confirmmmm me!

"Vanessa Koh!"

OH MY GOD. IT IS MEEEEEE! Overjoyed!!!!!

I went up on stage to get my prize, a rather lame medal, but better than nothing. I was quite lost but simultaneously very overwhelmed with joy and a deluge of other emotions. It was very heartening to be awarded this prize, a big shocked but a pleasant one definitely! I was very happy :)

Truly, winning any place in FPS, or anything competition for the matter, had never crossed my mind. Ever. I wrote with the aim of "just getting over and done with all this, and hopefully get an A for pw"! hahaha so indeed, the win was unexpected. It was no doubt that it was a huge shock for just about everyone, and mrs fern as well! No one expected me to win. I didn't expect myself to win.

---

On a whole this has been an interesting ride, especially in the last leg. It feels so surreal, as though straight out of a movie. One with an amazing ending that is! Besides the minimal experience it granted me, it most definitely empowered me greatly to continue writing and maybe embark on more writing adventures in the near future. All along, I have been grappling with my own insecurities and I have never been completely sure or certain of my competence in writing. Upon reading the works of other students, it always came across very daunting, thinking about how there were so many other student writers out there that are way better than myself. So I guess to a small extent this competition and results have justified that I am not THAT bad a writer afterall, and has boosted my confidence a little. Of course I still do believe in constantly brushing up my skills and learning from fellow writers, many of whom I saw at FPS. They are all so talented and so good at their craft, and undeniably a million times better than I am.

I am also very thankful to have gotten acquainted to Mrs Fern through this journey.

It has been a blessing to know Mrs Fern and I really appreciate her. She, my ineffably great seemingly-virtual, behind-the-computer-screen, coach-that-never-coached, mentor-that-is-never-there, avid-facebook-commenter teacher! Coolest mentor EVER! I mean, come on, a teacher who trolls facebook, leaves really amusing comments and bakes just about EVERYDAY? Downright awesome! And although it probably seems insignificant, but by introducing me to the world of FPS, she inspired confidence in me towards my writing.

I find, personally, I am constantly fuelled by assurance. It is not a particularly good thing but I have discovered that many a time I require someone else's approval or confidence vote in order to instil faith in myself towards me own work. No doubt it goes to show my lack of confidence in my own ability, so I am trying to improve in this aspect. I guess it is just I am so aware and conscious about the increasing amount of talent and star-quality work around me, that I can't help but feel so inferior most of the time. What more, it is quite rarely people actually make the effort to compliment (me or others in general). Besides mrs fern, I think the only other people I remember giving me that tiny bit of recognition would be ms eu (who was always very very encouraging towards me and my writing) and ms christina chua (who complimented a writing piece I did in sec 1, yes it made a different!!!!).

As I was saying, mrs fern did inspire confidence in me, just by giving me this opportunity. It was not much, but if it wasn't for the gesture on her part in taking me under her wing into FPS, I would never have thought of attempting it or joining any writing competitions at all. For that, I am very thankful and grateful for her. It does make a difference, that small opportunity does make a difference. And lastly, I will always remember the simple, almost frivolous advice she gave me "write really really well and just be WICKED!!! :)" HAHAHA well, I tried, and I did, and I hope I made her proud! :)

-----

And just like that, my FPS journey has come to a close. A journey that ended before I knew it had began.

But til I try I'll never know...

And some pictures! I don't usually post pictures, but just this once... :)

I have put off writing about FPS for quite a while; the actual fact is, its only been a week since this whole saga concluded! It feels almost entirely like a mere fragment of my memory already. Even so, I really wanted to write about this experience, just to encapsulate this whole journey here. This is truly one of those keep-it-in-a-glass-bottle memories, the kind that has the ability to brighten no matter how dull a day and to lighten no matter how dampen a spirit.

Looking back, it is entirely mind-blowing how everything happened – serendipity indeed I say! For starters, the initial act of even joining FPS had never occurred to me through my whole lower sec life. I distinctively remember hearing presentations about this project (it is listed under SPECIAL PROJs!!!!) on project work days and on other occasions as well, and more distinctively do I remember telling myself, ah why even listen? there is no way I will ever apply for this project seriously!.... And who would have thought.

I recall being scouted by Mrs Fern through facebook to join her 'writing troop' at the start of the year. It seemed like a very out-of-the-blue thing, because A, then I did not think Mrs Fern actually knew who I was all this while, and B, I was living with the impression that I was being mistaken by another namesake. So of course her 'offer' greatly caught me by surprise!

At that point, I was really hesitant in taking up her 'offer' of joining FPS, a project that elite writers like kit lea and sherlyn and clarisa helmed. It sounds silly but really, I was so intimidated! Having known the prestige of this programme and the reputation and high regard of FPS writers, it too a lot of coaxing for me to muster enough courage to take this dive. I have always been a little unsure and doubtful of my own writing ability; I mean, it is hard to judge how 'good' one's writing is, the rubrics just is not too clear or definite. I can very well go along thinking I am a fantastic writer when by actual fact my works could really be trash. Hence, my apprehension! Yes, I was so worried, and almost afraid to commit to FPS, primarily because of the fear that I would fail to deliver or produce good pieces of work which lives up to expectations.

Additionally, I remember Ruth telling me the need to get a letter of recommendation before entering FPS and the complicated procedures! Boy was I really really worried! I worry too much, too much for my own good. But I honestly did not know what to expect. When I finally came to terms with myself that, hey I have nothing to lose!, I decided to face Mrs Fern. I recall expressing my interest (and worries!) to her regarding FPS, and even asking her: "errr do I need a letter of recommendation? Because I don't think anyone is going to 'recommend' me!" And I clearly remember her response was something along the lines of, "if the president invites you, why still go through all the procedures... red tape and all?" That was such a typical response on mrs fern's part! So just like that, I was initiated into the realm of F.... P.... S...!!!!

Weeks that followed comprised of drifts between aimless slacking, and slews of complains and nerve-wrecking moans over deadlines. You see, this project worked as such, I had periods after periods of free slots during project work lessons, where by I was granted ample time to slack and do as I please. However, I had to complete essays in my own time at home or wherever. The latter was what invited all the moping and groaning and bemoaning and self-pitying. It is evident that I am a lazy bum eh? Well, YES! As such, work just equated gloom.

Following which, I proceeded on to a phase where I just slacked off entirely. I skipped the Science Chronicles essay and did absolutely no work. I did not even ponder over the FPS questions, and as a result, did not attempt to hash ideas and plots. It was only until after the June holidays whereby mrs fern sent out an email as a reminder for us to submit our final FPS essays in August that I started to panic! I guess I kind of deserved it. I was entitled to more than half a year to do it, but I chose to waste the vast amount of time provided and was reduced to having to rush it out at the eleventh hour. Ok, not exactly THAT last minute... I had about 3 weeks!

Three weeks. To come up with a kick-ass plot and to write it out in full. And as foreseeable, I procrastinated and procrastinated and procrastinated! I wanted to shoot myself in my head, it was terrible. I pushed it so much I left it off until the last few days to fully craft my plot and a teeeny bit of time to illustrate it with words. Additionally, I moaned a lot. To anyone and everyone around me. I was totally shooting myself in my feet. I am quite amaze I actually had a product to hand in eventually!

When submission time arrived, I felt almost embarrass to send my essay to mrs fern for evaluation prior the final submission to RGS (FPSP SG HQ). I had read kit lea's and clarisa's winning essays from last year and they were of amazingly high standards. I was very afraid mrs fern would be utterly disappointed with my work. But as always, I never heard back from her after sending my essay through. Wait, I did hear from her, but it was only about signing authentication forms and summary sheets. After which, I never heard back from anyone.

Then all of a sudden, one fine day, in the wee hours of the morning, I was checking my email and RESULTS OF FPS 2011 screamed at me. But I had no expectations at that point, I almost disregarded the email entirely. Nevertheless I still opened it and SURPRISE SURPRISE, my name was on the finals list! I gasped. I was thoroughly dumbfounded. Flummoxed. Stupefied. It was a miracle!

In the midst of all that astonishment, I was also equally confused. I barely understood the instructions they gave and as stupid as it sounds, I did not know if I had actually won the whole Scenario Writing competition already or if I had merely just qualified for the next stage. All this was later straightened out for me by Kit Lea, who was a great help! (I won 3rd!)

So, blur as ever, I went for the On-Site Finals. It was over as quickly as it arrived. I tried to write as well as I could, but got a bit distracted halfway because I became lethargic and very reluctant to continue. I did anyway, I did not have a choice!

Ok, FAST FORWARD FAST FORWARD to results day, prize presentation for FPS scenario writing.

It felt like eternity waiting for them to announce the results for FPS On-Site Scenario Writing. They started out with the Best Writer award.

"The winner for FPS On-Site Scenario Writing, Best Writer award goes to......."

Everyone holds their breath in anticipation.

"M thirty...... one!"

OH MY GOD. That is me!

"Singapore Chinese Girls' School...."

OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. That is confirmmmm me!

"Vanessa Koh!"

OH MY GOD. IT IS MEEEEEE! Overjoyed!!!!!

I went up on stage to get my prize, a rather lame medal, but better than nothing. I was quite lost but simultaneously very overwhelmed with joy and a deluge of other emotions. It was very heartening to be awarded this prize, a big shocked but a pleasant one definitely! I was very happy :)

Truly, winning any place in FPS, or anything competition for the matter, had never crossed my mind. Ever. I wrote with the aim of "just getting over and done with all this, and hopefully get an A for pw"! hahaha so indeed, the win was unexpected. It was no doubt that it was a huge shock for just about everyone, and mrs fern as well! No one expected me to win. I didn't expect myself to win.

---

On a whole this has been an interesting ride, especially in the last leg. It feels so surreal, as though straight out of a movie. One with an amazing ending that is! Besides the minimal experience it granted me, it most definitely empowered me greatly to continue writing and maybe embark on more writing adventures in the near future. All along, I have been grappling with my own insecurities and I have never been completely sure or certain of my competence in writing. Upon reading the works of other students, it always came across very daunting, thinking about how there were so many other student writers out there that are way better than myself. So I guess to a small extent this competition and results have justified that I am not THAT bad a writer afterall, and has boosted my confidence a little. Of course I still do believe in constantly brushing up my skills and learning from fellow writers, many of whom I saw at FPS. They are all so talented and so good at their craft, and undeniably a million times better than I am.

I am also very thankful to have gotten acquainted to Mrs Fern through this journey.

It has been a blessing to know Mrs Fern and I really appreciate her. She, my ineffably great seemingly-virtual, behind-the-computer-screen, coach-that-never-coached, mentor-that-is-never-there, avid-facebook-commenter teacher! Coolest mentor EVER! I mean, come on, a teacher who trolls facebook, leaves really amusing comments and bakes just about EVERYDAY? Downright awesome! And although it probably seems insignificant, but by introducing me to the world of FPS, she inspired confidence in me towards my writing.

I find, personally, I am constantly fuelled by assurance. It is not a particularly good thing but I have discovered that many a time I require someone else's approval or confidence vote in order to instil faith in myself towards me own work. No doubt it goes to show my lack of confidence in my own ability, so I am trying to improve in this aspect. I guess it is just I am so aware and conscious about the increasing amount of talent and star-quality work around me, that I can't help but feel so inferior most of the time. What more, it is quite rarely people actually make the effort to compliment (me or others in general). Besides mrs fern, I think the only other people I remember giving me that tiny bit of recognition would be ms eu (who was always very very encouraging towards me and my writing) and ms christina chua (who complimented a writing piece I did in sec 1, yes it made a different!!!!).

As I was saying, mrs fern did inspire confidence in me, just by giving me this opportunity. It was not much, but if it wasn't for the gesture on her part in taking me under her wing into FPS, I would never have thought of attempting it or joining any writing competitions at all. For that, I am very thankful and grateful for her. It does make a difference, that small opportunity does make a difference. And lastly, I will always remember the simple, almost frivolous advice she gave me "write really really well and just be WICKED!!! :)" HAHAHA well, I tried, and I did, and I hope I made her proud! :)

-----

And just like that, my FPS journey has come to a close. A journey that ended before I knew it had began.

But til I try I'll never know...

And some pictures! I don't usually post pictures, but just this once... :)