"talking to you is like talking to a sheep or a donkey or a cow... no you are below all that! its like talking to a brick wall or a stinking block of wood!!!! inadequate and hopeless by nature, wholly unreceptive and unresponsive with no initiative, ridiculously pathetic and obnoxious and obtuse, pervading stupidity and idiocy, brimming with otioseness and the perpetual inability to keep to deadlines, constantly reluctant to contribute, and when you do you give atrocious work which is practically dripping with incompetency, and above all, that increasingly annoying air of abundant self-righteousness!! the mere thought of you just makes me want to lay all my disgruntlement upon you and unreservedly assault the hell outta you!!! ugh insult to mankind and ought to be rid the face of this earth!!!!!! boiling mad!!!!"

I was really mad last night. The funny part is, I was so mad till a point where I could no longer remember why or who I was mad at in particular. Basically, I was just targeting my anger at anything and anyone who got in my way! I was mad at the world, at every single living creature. Fuming mad boiling mad, to such an extreme degree. It was crazy.

I think in the course of the pass few days, my crazy slave-driving, unreasonable dictatorial traits are showing up again. Yes, we have all been banished to group work land once again. I cannot help but boss people around when doing group work! To set the record straight, I do not mean boss as in delegating all the work to everyone else while I myself just sit in the corner and slack off. But instead, I mean hounding people obsessively to make them do work. Because, right from the onset, NO ONE HAS ANY DRIVE AT ALL TO GET ANY WORK DONE!

Another thing that bugs me to no end is how no one wants to take the initiative to start any group project off. I have noticed that many people, yes not just one but MANY, have the "I-am-going-to-close-my-eyes-and-pretend-the-work-is-nonexistent-oh-look-all-the-work-is-gone" mentality. As a result, no project gets launched and no work commences. It is very frustrating as many a time I find that I have to personally start things off and draft out frame works in order for people to lethargically and reluctantly get cracking.

And this brings me back to my point of being bossy. Primarily due to the fact that I am starting off most projects personally, I end up having the role too to have to delegate work to others. And I honestly hate it when this responsibility falls repeatedly on my head; I will rather be tasked to do stuff, instead of having to task others to do stuff. The dominant reason is probably because, when you try to get people to do work, they suddenly develop the advanced skill of acting ignorant and entirely shutting you out. Yes, they can ignore every single work-related message you send and completely deny the existence of the project. It is utterly amazing, really.

As such, I often end up having to harass people, which can become really annoying, I know! And I do not want to be the embodiment of that annoying-ness, but work is work and work has to be done. So really, often I cannot help but unleash my detestable domineering nature, and order people around. I do not like it either, but deep down I know, if I do not resort to that, no one is going to budge. Especially so when we meet up in person, knowing we have a tight schedule to follow and a huge pile of work to tackle, I get increasingly perturbed and almost afraid, when others can just kick back and take things slowly as though they have all the time in the world. I know it is unfair to force others to go at the speeding pace that I favour when clearing work, but lets look at things objectively, at your pace, nothing will ever get done. Work isn't going to complete itself! Or at least, I prefer not to leave work to the eleventh hour – group work in particular. For I know that we will end up turning in shoddy work and it will be tough to coordinate things and every one will only end up even more unhappy.

Ok I had a few more points I wanted to cover, but they have kind of slipped my mind. Just felt very compelled to rush out a 10minutes piece here to vent (and justify).

At the end of it all, the insight I have gathered is, I will probably make a very bad boss if I ever do become someone's boss someday. Likely to be the highly loathed and everyone-secretly-curse-you-behind-your-back type of boss! hahahahahaha I can't help it.

I guess it is just my innate nature to give a care. As much as I can deny it, I care. I care that work be done, and I care that work be done well. I have no idea how I managed to suppress that instinct to care the whole of last year, or at least the first half of it. And for all the times I am not on task and not on the ball, I do silently care and mentally set aside time to catch up, or at the very least, I will attempt to. Because I know, regardless what happens or what I say or what I do, deep deep down inside I care about what the result might be and what eventually occurs. I care, and I cannot help it.

I have to close this up now.

I shall strive to commanding yet not bossy, responsible yet no over-assertive.

On a side note, I suddenly miss Sabrina very much. She's the kind of person that will definitely do her bits in a group work piece to her very best, and way before the deadline!

"talking to you is like talking to a sheep or a donkey or a cow... no you are below all that! its like talking to a brick wall or a stinking block of wood!!!! inadequate and hopeless by nature, wholly unreceptive and unresponsive with no initiative, ridiculously pathetic and obnoxious and obtuse, pervading stupidity and idiocy, brimming with otioseness and the perpetual inability to keep to deadlines, constantly reluctant to contribute, and when you do you give atrocious work which is practically dripping with incompetency, and above all, that increasingly annoying air of abundant self-righteousness!! the mere thought of you just makes me want to lay all my disgruntlement upon you and unreservedly assault the hell outta you!!! ugh insult to mankind and ought to be rid the face of this earth!!!!!! boiling mad!!!!"

I was really mad last night. The funny part is, I was so mad till a point where I could no longer remember why or who I was mad at in particular. Basically, I was just targeting my anger at anything and anyone who got in my way! I was mad at the world, at every single living creature. Fuming mad boiling mad, to such an extreme degree. It was crazy.

I think in the course of the pass few days, my crazy slave-driving, unreasonable dictatorial traits are showing up again. Yes, we have all been banished to group work land once again. I cannot help but boss people around when doing group work! To set the record straight, I do not mean boss as in delegating all the work to everyone else while I myself just sit in the corner and slack off. But instead, I mean hounding people obsessively to make them do work. Because, right from the onset, NO ONE HAS ANY DRIVE AT ALL TO GET ANY WORK DONE!

Another thing that bugs me to no end is how no one wants to take the initiative to start any group project off. I have noticed that many people, yes not just one but MANY, have the "I-am-going-to-close-my-eyes-and-pretend-the-work-is-nonexistent-oh-look-all-the-work-is-gone" mentality. As a result, no project gets launched and no work commences. It is very frustrating as many a time I find that I have to personally start things off and draft out frame works in order for people to lethargically and reluctantly get cracking.

And this brings me back to my point of being bossy. Primarily due to the fact that I am starting off most projects personally, I end up having the role too to have to delegate work to others. And I honestly hate it when this responsibility falls repeatedly on my head; I will rather be tasked to do stuff, instead of having to task others to do stuff. The dominant reason is probably because, when you try to get people to do work, they suddenly develop the advanced skill of acting ignorant and entirely shutting you out. Yes, they can ignore every single work-related message you send and completely deny the existence of the project. It is utterly amazing, really.

As such, I often end up having to harass people, which can become really annoying, I know! And I do not want to be the embodiment of that annoying-ness, but work is work and work has to be done. So really, often I cannot help but unleash my detestable domineering nature, and order people around. I do not like it either, but deep down I know, if I do not resort to that, no one is going to budge. Especially so when we meet up in person, knowing we have a tight schedule to follow and a huge pile of work to tackle, I get increasingly perturbed and almost afraid, when others can just kick back and take things slowly as though they have all the time in the world. I know it is unfair to force others to go at the speeding pace that I favour when clearing work, but lets look at things objectively, at your pace, nothing will ever get done. Work isn't going to complete itself! Or at least, I prefer not to leave work to the eleventh hour – group work in particular. For I know that we will end up turning in shoddy work and it will be tough to coordinate things and every one will only end up even more unhappy.

Ok I had a few more points I wanted to cover, but they have kind of slipped my mind. Just felt very compelled to rush out a 10minutes piece here to vent (and justify).

At the end of it all, the insight I have gathered is, I will probably make a very bad boss if I ever do become someone's boss someday. Likely to be the highly loathed and everyone-secretly-curse-you-behind-your-back type of boss! hahahahahaha I can't help it.

I guess it is just my innate nature to give a care. As much as I can deny it, I care. I care that work be done, and I care that work be done well. I have no idea how I managed to suppress that instinct to care the whole of last year, or at least the first half of it. And for all the times I am not on task and not on the ball, I do silently care and mentally set aside time to catch up, or at the very least, I will attempt to. Because I know, regardless what happens or what I say or what I do, deep deep down inside I care about what the result might be and what eventually occurs. I care, and I cannot help it.

I have to close this up now.

I shall strive to commanding yet not bossy, responsible yet no over-assertive.

On a side note, I suddenly miss Sabrina very much. She's the kind of person that will definitely do her bits in a group work piece to her very best, and way before the deadline!