Have put aside writing for quite a while now; writing makes me think, and more often than not, it makes me over-think. Lately especially, I have been trying to avoid any thing that might lead me to doing so (over-thinking I mean), hence the writing hiatus once again I guess.

For one, I have been falling prey to that sinister I-feel-like-curling-up-into-a-ball-in-bed-and-wallowing-in-self-pity-because-the-whole-world-doesn't-give-a-care bug a lot in the past few weeks – it is terrible. It is as though all else has to stop in the face of turbulent emotions. Not very helpful and increasingly hinders productivity. It is a little peculiar, and frustrating, for I am not the type to enter  emo-phases frequently, much less to the point that it is a norm (or at least that's what I think). In fact, as much as I might subject myself to periods of self-deprecation once in a while, I have never been very much caught in the web of prolonged unhappiness.

Regardless, it has been a rough couple of weeks at late. It's just floundering amidst a sea of choppy waters, struggling to keep your head above water and how every stroke or kick just feels incredibly tiresome and painfully unbearable. I would very much do without this onerous task of plodding through life with a sulk on my face and a heavy heart, but state-of-mind simply is not in good form. It is as though the emotional-side of me is desperately fighting for a chance to speak out, and when refused, it goes completely out of control and goes on a rampage.

At the end of the day, I understand every thing is merely the workings of my mind; the mental contortion of my perception of the basic happenings and reactions of those around me. And of course the unscrupulous deeds committed by sheer paranoia and self-consciousness within head really does not do much good. Been very swayed by hazed judgement recently too.

What I detest most is the times I get moody and upset for no reason. This is the worse one out of the array of I-feel-terrible moods I feel, primarily because: one, you can't seem to find a solution to fix the problem yourself as you are clueless towards the root cause of such gloom, and two, you can't seem to share the problem with another person as once again, YOU DO NOT KNOW WHY ON EARTH YOU ARE UNHAPPY. So yes, it is bad. And bad has been bugging me a lot a lot A LOT.

But the silver lining in this storm cloud has been a couple of very lovely people who have helped me out a little here and there. And on the upside, this storm is slowly clearing up, thankfully (I dont know how long more I can hold up)

-------

In the midst of all that unhappiness, I have been constantly reminding myself to do good deeds, to give whatever I can to whoever, to cheer people up, to be kind, to be helpful, to have initiative, to be sensitive and more. I know it is the better-raise-your-good-karma mechanism in my head working up again, but nonetheless, it does help me drag myself through each day.

Been buying and giving cupcakes again. Got a couple for my friends but the bulk, I offered them to teachers. I do not know if it truly works, but doing good things and giving stuff to people helps greatly to keep my mind off things and offers me a tiny sense of satisfaction in return. I guess it is the simplest way to offer my heart that minimal amount of happiness it requires. Or perhaps the mentality is, why not make others happy while you aren't? Anyway I do not know my own motivations behind doing good, but it does make me happy seeing people happy. Which is a good thing.

And then we get to question of, why do I buy cupcakes for my teachers? I know if word gets out, there will definitely be people who will say I am doing so to curry favour or whatnot, but really, I don't think I have any hidden agenda behind doing so and please, its definitely not to butter up. I do so mainly because I feel they are the ones who need the greatest boost considering how hard they work. As much as they may get on my nerves at times, and how some of them are quite insanely unstable, deep down I know each and every one of them work their asses off and want the best for their students, regardless whether they get their good intentions across in the right manner. But I do believe in the importance of being grateful and I have been trying to be more understanding too. And it is undeniable that SC does have some of the loveliest teachers around and the sec4 teachers have been very kind and helpful and compassionate and understanding, so yes I am thoroughly thankful.

---

On a sidenote, I don't really understand why some of my friends are against being chummy with teachers or merely engaging in casual talk with them. I was pretty surprised a while back when one of my friends reacted very strongly against even keeping in contact with faculty after graduating. I was very taken aback because I for one do keep in contact with my primary school teachers and there's an extremely high chance I will do so with my SCGS ones too.

Also, with that aside, I do not see anything wrong with being close to one's teachers/mentors. I mean I enjoy chatting with my teachers and at the end of the day, they are just people too right? But I know there are people who would much prefer to draw the teacher-student line very distinctly, in fear that if the boundary is blurred, the former will not be able to command respect from the latter when need be.

I do understand the concern there, but afterall, at this point I think majority of the student population is mature, or at least sensible enough, to know when is the right time to do what. I can't and do not speak for others but I do feel there is nothing wrong with being friendly if you still maintain a sense of respect for each other.

With that said, I know there is another qualm that goes somewhat like, a teacher can be friendly with a student, but not be their friend. Ok yes it gets complicated. I dont really know how other people look at things, but I am connected with some of my teachers via mobile or fb, and we do text or chat regularly. It does help firm up relationships and it is always nice to speak with one who is more mature than your peers. Perhaps I am just used to speaking with adults after hanging out with Joanne and all a lot.

But yes, in short I dont see anything wrong. Is my perception flawed? Whatever it is, gone were the days of hating teaching faculty. It does no good and what's the use, SC teachers are amazing! I like (most of) my teachers and of course, I like those easily-pally sorts even more. I just can't help but think, you see these people everyday (besides your schoolmates), what is the issue with being connected or at the very least, getting to know? Maybe it is just me, but who cares what the world is doing; I just simply can't seem to be "the world".

Making my entrance again with my usual flair
Sure of my lines, but no one is there.

Have put aside writing for quite a while now; writing makes me think, and more often than not, it makes me over-think. Lately especially, I have been trying to avoid any thing that might lead me to doing so (over-thinking I mean), hence the writing hiatus once again I guess.

For one, I have been falling prey to that sinister I-feel-like-curling-up-into-a-ball-in-bed-and-wallowing-in-self-pity-because-the-whole-world-doesn't-give-a-care bug a lot in the past few weeks – it is terrible. It is as though all else has to stop in the face of turbulent emotions. Not very helpful and increasingly hinders productivity. It is a little peculiar, and frustrating, for I am not the type to enter  emo-phases frequently, much less to the point that it is a norm (or at least that's what I think). In fact, as much as I might subject myself to periods of self-deprecation once in a while, I have never been very much caught in the web of prolonged unhappiness.

Regardless, it has been a rough couple of weeks at late. It's just floundering amidst a sea of choppy waters, struggling to keep your head above water and how every stroke or kick just feels incredibly tiresome and painfully unbearable. I would very much do without this onerous task of plodding through life with a sulk on my face and a heavy heart, but state-of-mind simply is not in good form. It is as though the emotional-side of me is desperately fighting for a chance to speak out, and when refused, it goes completely out of control and goes on a rampage.

At the end of the day, I understand every thing is merely the workings of my mind; the mental contortion of my perception of the basic happenings and reactions of those around me. And of course the unscrupulous deeds committed by sheer paranoia and self-consciousness within head really does not do much good. Been very swayed by hazed judgement recently too.

What I detest most is the times I get moody and upset for no reason. This is the worse one out of the array of I-feel-terrible moods I feel, primarily because: one, you can't seem to find a solution to fix the problem yourself as you are clueless towards the root cause of such gloom, and two, you can't seem to share the problem with another person as once again, YOU DO NOT KNOW WHY ON EARTH YOU ARE UNHAPPY. So yes, it is bad. And bad has been bugging me a lot a lot A LOT.

But the silver lining in this storm cloud has been a couple of very lovely people who have helped me out a little here and there. And on the upside, this storm is slowly clearing up, thankfully (I dont know how long more I can hold up)

-------

In the midst of all that unhappiness, I have been constantly reminding myself to do good deeds, to give whatever I can to whoever, to cheer people up, to be kind, to be helpful, to have initiative, to be sensitive and more. I know it is the better-raise-your-good-karma mechanism in my head working up again, but nonetheless, it does help me drag myself through each day.

Been buying and giving cupcakes again. Got a couple for my friends but the bulk, I offered them to teachers. I do not know if it truly works, but doing good things and giving stuff to people helps greatly to keep my mind off things and offers me a tiny sense of satisfaction in return. I guess it is the simplest way to offer my heart that minimal amount of happiness it requires. Or perhaps the mentality is, why not make others happy while you aren't? Anyway I do not know my own motivations behind doing good, but it does make me happy seeing people happy. Which is a good thing.

And then we get to question of, why do I buy cupcakes for my teachers? I know if word gets out, there will definitely be people who will say I am doing so to curry favour or whatnot, but really, I don't think I have any hidden agenda behind doing so and please, its definitely not to butter up. I do so mainly because I feel they are the ones who need the greatest boost considering how hard they work. As much as they may get on my nerves at times, and how some of them are quite insanely unstable, deep down I know each and every one of them work their asses off and want the best for their students, regardless whether they get their good intentions across in the right manner. But I do believe in the importance of being grateful and I have been trying to be more understanding too. And it is undeniable that SC does have some of the loveliest teachers around and the sec4 teachers have been very kind and helpful and compassionate and understanding, so yes I am thoroughly thankful.

---

On a sidenote, I don't really understand why some of my friends are against being chummy with teachers or merely engaging in casual talk with them. I was pretty surprised a while back when one of my friends reacted very strongly against even keeping in contact with faculty after graduating. I was very taken aback because I for one do keep in contact with my primary school teachers and there's an extremely high chance I will do so with my SCGS ones too.

Also, with that aside, I do not see anything wrong with being close to one's teachers/mentors. I mean I enjoy chatting with my teachers and at the end of the day, they are just people too right? But I know there are people who would much prefer to draw the teacher-student line very distinctly, in fear that if the boundary is blurred, the former will not be able to command respect from the latter when need be.

I do understand the concern there, but afterall, at this point I think majority of the student population is mature, or at least sensible enough, to know when is the right time to do what. I can't and do not speak for others but I do feel there is nothing wrong with being friendly if you still maintain a sense of respect for each other.

With that said, I know there is another qualm that goes somewhat like, a teacher can be friendly with a student, but not be their friend. Ok yes it gets complicated. I dont really know how other people look at things, but I am connected with some of my teachers via mobile or fb, and we do text or chat regularly. It does help firm up relationships and it is always nice to speak with one who is more mature than your peers. Perhaps I am just used to speaking with adults after hanging out with Joanne and all a lot.

But yes, in short I dont see anything wrong. Is my perception flawed? Whatever it is, gone were the days of hating teaching faculty. It does no good and what's the use, SC teachers are amazing! I like (most of) my teachers and of course, I like those easily-pally sorts even more. I just can't help but think, you see these people everyday (besides your schoolmates), what is the issue with being connected or at the very least, getting to know? Maybe it is just me, but who cares what the world is doing; I just simply can't seem to be "the world".

Making my entrance again with my usual flair
Sure of my lines, but no one is there.