I think it's strange to feel a certain age - how does one feel like, a number? It's like I feel old and young and ageless at the same time; old but unwise, young but cynical. Sometimes I look at adults and wonder, how did they get from where I am now, to where they are now. Taking life is a mountain we need to surmount, eighteen years has been one crazy long climb; ironically, the actual ascent has barely just begun. To grapple is tedious, but to stagnate is tragic.

As morbid as it sounds, I often dally with the thought of how long I'd live or when I'd die. If I had it my way, in all my youthful levity, I'd like to live up till the big 30. And that's enough. Live through the "roaring twenties" and simply leave the game altogether.

There's a certain daunting association of age to responsibilities, to commitment. And beyond this, it's the perpetual uncertainty that plagues us, making life so tough, so unpredictably challenging and so unprecedentedly scary.

But life is also unexpectedly beautiful. Unspeakably rich. Admittedly, life has been increasingly kind to me lately - I'm in a good place and at a good stage of my life. And more than anything, I've eventually learnt to live it up.

You want that opportunity? Apply, audition, try.
You want to ace that assignment? Invest, persevere, consult.
You want to meet that new person? Approach, initiate, acquaint.

It's liberating to be able to embrace such an attitude at this stage. When I turned fifteen, I was eager. Sixteen - hesitant. Seventeen - jaded. And Eighteen - simply surreal.

I feel twelve.

I woke up to this thought this morning:
If 7-year-old Me looked into the future and had a glimpse of my life right now - to immerse in the experiences I encounter, to peruse the work I produce, to meet the people I know - will 7-year-old Me look in awe and admiration and say, 'Yes, that's who I want to be when I grow up.'
Or. If 57-year-old Me looked into the past and had a glimpse of my life right now - to revel in the experiences I've encountered, to review the work I've produced, to reminisce time spent with the people I've known - will 57-year-old Me look in bliss and contentment and say, 'Yes, that's who I wanted to be.' And I was.

I am living, growing. And I am blessed.

---

It has been an amazing day – both today, and Friday. Extremely blessed to have such dear people in my life. Have to repeatedly remind myself to focus on these people who matter, who cherish my presence and the person that I am. I am truly so incredibly lucky to have such amazing people in my life. Cannot help but kick myself at times when I keep wishing for other things or other people’s company. Learning to treasure the moment and the right people are still skills that I’ve yet to master.

And on this day, I also give thanks to my parents who have invested so much in me and supported me so tirelessly through these eighteen years. Without them, there’d be no me.

So as we kiss goodbye to the days of the dancing queen (young and sweet, only seventeen~~), I welcome a new phase of my life. Hopefully filled with greater wisdom and maturity, and also a huge load of fun and excitement!

I am blessed. I am thankful.

I think it's strange to feel a certain age - how does one feel like, a number? It's like I feel old and young and ageless at the same time; old but unwise, young but cynical. Sometimes I look at adults and wonder, how did they get from where I am now, to where they are now. Taking life is a mountain we need to surmount, eighteen years has been one crazy long climb; ironically, the actual ascent has barely just begun. To grapple is tedious, but to stagnate is tragic.

As morbid as it sounds, I often dally with the thought of how long I'd live or when I'd die. If I had it my way, in all my youthful levity, I'd like to live up till the big 30. And that's enough. Live through the "roaring twenties" and simply leave the game altogether.

There's a certain daunting association of age to responsibilities, to commitment. And beyond this, it's the perpetual uncertainty that plagues us, making life so tough, so unpredictably challenging and so unprecedentedly scary.

But life is also unexpectedly beautiful. Unspeakably rich. Admittedly, life has been increasingly kind to me lately - I'm in a good place and at a good stage of my life. And more than anything, I've eventually learnt to live it up.

You want that opportunity? Apply, audition, try.
You want to ace that assignment? Invest, persevere, consult.
You want to meet that new person? Approach, initiate, acquaint.

It's liberating to be able to embrace such an attitude at this stage. When I turned fifteen, I was eager. Sixteen - hesitant. Seventeen - jaded. And Eighteen - simply surreal.

I feel twelve.

I woke up to this thought this morning:
If 7-year-old Me looked into the future and had a glimpse of my life right now - to immerse in the experiences I encounter, to peruse the work I produce, to meet the people I know - will 7-year-old Me look in awe and admiration and say, 'Yes, that's who I want to be when I grow up.'
Or. If 57-year-old Me looked into the past and had a glimpse of my life right now - to revel in the experiences I've encountered, to review the work I've produced, to reminisce time spent with the people I've known - will 57-year-old Me look in bliss and contentment and say, 'Yes, that's who I wanted to be.' And I was.

I am living, growing. And I am blessed.

---

It has been an amazing day – both today, and Friday. Extremely blessed to have such dear people in my life. Have to repeatedly remind myself to focus on these people who matter, who cherish my presence and the person that I am. I am truly so incredibly lucky to have such amazing people in my life. Cannot help but kick myself at times when I keep wishing for other things or other people’s company. Learning to treasure the moment and the right people are still skills that I’ve yet to master.

And on this day, I also give thanks to my parents who have invested so much in me and supported me so tirelessly through these eighteen years. Without them, there’d be no me.

So as we kiss goodbye to the days of the dancing queen (young and sweet, only seventeen~~), I welcome a new phase of my life. Hopefully filled with greater wisdom and maturity, and also a huge load of fun and excitement!

I am blessed. I am thankful.