You feel nothing. You feel too much.
You value integrity. You lie – about everything.
You are a good person. You ARE a good person?

I don’t know how to express this. I have lost the words – all of them. Nothing flows anymore; not like before. I tried to go back to that place again, but I couldn’t. The pain, the feelings, the memories, they were all gone. For the lack of a better way to say it, I don’t feel anything anymore. Just another loss to add to my collection…

Sometimes I wonder if it is all actually happening. Or, did I simply make everything up, in my head? It’s debateable, really. Does a single false detail in a complete truth make it a lie? What if a truth was intentionally falsified – does it lose all of its truthful quality? I guess I have settled with the notion that, if no one calls out on the lie, then it does not make it any less true. Smoke and mirrors.

Nice people annoy me. Like the really REALLY – R E A L L Y – nice ones. The ones that deal in sunshine and rainbows and are secretly mystical unicorns and pretty much enjoys every other godforsaken person on this planet. How are you even real!?!?They scare me. (Okay, there is only ONE person I can think of that fits into this category entirely whom I still absolutely adore.) But seriously, UGH.

Oh look, it’s irrational hour!

Guilty pleasure interlude: The ‘Shattered Sight’ episode of Once Upon A Time finally came out yesterday. I watched it twice in a row - what a beautiful ending to the Snow Queen arc! Sigh, season/mid-season finales always kill me. But this season has been so perfect, except NOT ENOUGH LANA PARRILLA! This has to be my utter FAVOURITE show in the whole wide world, counting it in a completely different category from my political dramas (and SMASH) (and Desperate Housewives) (and FRIENDS!). Admittedly, my taste in television kinda sucks. An excusable issue considering that day Humairah and I very coincidentally discovered that we both watch Devious Maids – I suspect we are literally the only two persons in Singapore that watch that show. AND to laugh controllably and extremely loudly over “mister spence” in the middle of a very crowded Taka (I’m actually laughing at this all over again and no one else understands why this is so funny) (just like our insanely in-depth analysis of Desperate Housewives and the completely absurd quotes by Gabby and then deviating to talk about Gossip Girl and how it sucked after ##season/episode and busting out all the spoilers: IT IS DAN!) (and also the “je ne coup plou” “je ne flee floo” joke and the ross-rachel dinosaurs AHA NOW I KNOW WHY I AM ONLY DESERVING OF ONE FRIEND)

And I simply have to include how EXCITED I am for Into The Woods the movie! I could go on and on and on about it but I think my brother has done an amazing job entertaining me; he is really good at his “wow yes Meryl Streep! Yes Bernadette…Yes 1991 cast with Joanna Gleason.. but STREEEEP!!!” and his “omg YA Emily Blunt! And Lilla! And James Corden” and hands down his best “Sondheim?! OMG SONDHEIM YES SONDHEIM IS A GOD OMG YES YES YES”. Hahahaha we’ve been ‘belting’ out Stay With Me for days! So yes, I am very very excited.

Wonderful. It is a little sad that the subject which I managed to write most on is that of trashy tv shows (and Into The Woods – happy thought!). Alright, enough psychotic rambling for one night (or one month! or three!). That did not help – I still don’t feel anything. Or I feel too much all at once.

---

“Give me pain if that’s what’s real, it’s the price we pay to feel. The price of love is Loss; but still we pay, we love anyway.” (I guess I’ve decided to stop paying)

You feel nothing. You feel too much.
You value integrity. You lie – about everything.
You are a good person. You ARE a good person?

I don’t know how to express this. I have lost the words – all of them. Nothing flows anymore; not like before. I tried to go back to that place again, but I couldn’t. The pain, the feelings, the memories, they were all gone. For the lack of a better way to say it, I don’t feel anything anymore. Just another loss to add to my collection…

Sometimes I wonder if it is all actually happening. Or, did I simply make everything up, in my head? It’s debateable, really. Does a single false detail in a complete truth make it a lie? What if a truth was intentionally falsified – does it lose all of its truthful quality? I guess I have settled with the notion that, if no one calls out on the lie, then it does not make it any less true. Smoke and mirrors.

Nice people annoy me. Like the really REALLY – R E A L L Y – nice ones. The ones that deal in sunshine and rainbows and are secretly mystical unicorns and pretty much enjoys every other godforsaken person on this planet. How are you even real!?!?They scare me. (Okay, there is only ONE person I can think of that fits into this category entirely whom I still absolutely adore.) But seriously, UGH.

Oh look, it’s irrational hour!

Guilty pleasure interlude: The ‘Shattered Sight’ episode of Once Upon A Time finally came out yesterday. I watched it twice in a row - what a beautiful ending to the Snow Queen arc! Sigh, season/mid-season finales always kill me. But this season has been so perfect, except NOT ENOUGH LANA PARRILLA! This has to be my utter FAVOURITE show in the whole wide world, counting it in a completely different category from my political dramas (and SMASH) (and Desperate Housewives) (and FRIENDS!). Admittedly, my taste in television kinda sucks. An excusable issue considering that day Humairah and I very coincidentally discovered that we both watch Devious Maids – I suspect we are literally the only two persons in Singapore that watch that show. AND to laugh controllably and extremely loudly over “mister spence” in the middle of a very crowded Taka (I’m actually laughing at this all over again and no one else understands why this is so funny) (just like our insanely in-depth analysis of Desperate Housewives and the completely absurd quotes by Gabby and then deviating to talk about Gossip Girl and how it sucked after ##season/episode and busting out all the spoilers: IT IS DAN!) (and also the “je ne coup plou” “je ne flee floo” joke and the ross-rachel dinosaurs AHA NOW I KNOW WHY I AM ONLY DESERVING OF ONE FRIEND)

And I simply have to include how EXCITED I am for Into The Woods the movie! I could go on and on and on about it but I think my brother has done an amazing job entertaining me; he is really good at his “wow yes Meryl Streep! Yes Bernadette…Yes 1991 cast with Joanna Gleason.. but STREEEEP!!!” and his “omg YA Emily Blunt! And Lilla! And James Corden” and hands down his best “Sondheim?! OMG SONDHEIM YES SONDHEIM IS A GOD OMG YES YES YES”. Hahahaha we’ve been ‘belting’ out Stay With Me for days! So yes, I am very very excited.

Wonderful. It is a little sad that the subject which I managed to write most on is that of trashy tv shows (and Into The Woods – happy thought!). Alright, enough psychotic rambling for one night (or one month! or three!). That did not help – I still don’t feel anything. Or I feel too much all at once.

---

“Give me pain if that’s what’s real, it’s the price we pay to feel. The price of love is Loss; but still we pay, we love anyway.” (I guess I’ve decided to stop paying)